Monday, May 3, 2010


North Carolina may be in the United States but as far as I'm concerned, Texas has more in common with pre-Cartel Mexico or even (wait for it) Cal-i-for-ny-yea (you gotta say it like the theme song to the Beverly Hillbillies does) than it does with N.C.

I'll be writing more about my trip to N.C. over the coming week. Think of N.C. as a gold rush for bloggers as far as material goes. I just got in, but drank coffee on the flight, so I thought I'd throw a few random N.C. thoughts out there while I get sleepy.

I visited the Piedmont Triangle area, which is comprised of the three city (get it? that's why it's "The Triad") megapolis known as Greensboro, Winston-Salem and High Point. We have kin there. In-Laws. They're not from there, but they moved there thirty something years ago and just love it love it love it.

Apologies to all from N.C. or those who live there. I mean no harm. I know there are lots of nice folks there, and I've certainly met my fair share of great and mighty friendly folks on this and prior visits.

But they've got white trash there in N.C. like nobody's bidness. THE MULLET, for example, is far from dead in N.C. Although I looked in the phone book and online to see how many hair salons and barber shops are devoted to THE MULLET, I couldn't find any who advertised MULLETS as a specialty. I guess they all know how to give a good MULLET. Because they are everywhere.

Truly, nothing says "I'm all about bidness from the front, and and all about partying in the back" like a MULLET. Or being at a Wal-Mart in N.C. and counting MULLETS. The People of Walmart web page could open a whole new website devoted to the worship of THE MULLET in N.C. Walmarts and not run out of material, but I suppose the same is true of Texas and other states as well.

And for, say, every twenty MULLETS on white dudes, you have a male person of color with DREADLOCKS or BRAIDS. Long ones. I noticed this on my last trip to the Piedmont Triad, and found it to be true on this trip. Perhaps THE MULLET and DREADS are the state haircut there. Perhaps you get massive retail discounts at Walmart if you're sporting one or the other.

The other hair styling trend in N.C. for young white males is face funk, except instead of being well trimmed it is more like the one that Brad "Billy Goat" Pitt has been sporting of late. Sorta like what you would imagine the descendants of the "Deliverance" area of the U.S. would be sporting now. Scraggly. Poorly shaped and contoured.

On a bright note, the youts in N.C., or at least the ones I have seen working at various retail/grocery stores and restaurants don't seem to be as tatted as their same age breathren here in Texas. I did see a few women with some very small tatts working, but tatts were the exception rather than the norm. Perhaps there is hope for the new Pepsi generation after all.

Mrs. El Fisho quickly tired of my "Piedmont Triad" jokes. Old man jokes, she calls them, and although El Fisho Jr. finds them hilarious, the Mrs. does not. She winces.

For example, she does not find funny in the least when I say that once I had a Piedmont Triad on my foot and had to have it lanced at the doctor's office, and that it was quite painful.

Nor does she find it even the least bit amusing when I say that I thought the Piedmont Triad was a group of asian octagenarian quasi-organized crime types who are all retirees who charge protection to retailers selling Geritol, Depends and Metamucil

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