Friday, November 19, 2010


I am simply dumbfounded at the uproar over trying to ensure that we the American traveling public are safe in air transportation. I'm a lawyer, and I understand the legal arguments that the opponents to scanning or physical searches are posturing with. I also understand the rhetorical argument about giving up freedoms means you've lost the war.

So I guess according to the pundits of the recent efforts to increase air travel safety, we should just be willing to be sacrificial lambs for any terrorist that might want to attack a plane we happen to be on so that we can be spared the embarrassment of a body scan or OMG, someone brushing up against our junk to make sure there is no bomb in our undies.

The commentary that surprised me the past few weeks about body scanners and pat down searches didn't come from the usual suspects, the liberal and oft-misguided left, but from Texas Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson and Texas Congressman Ted Poe.

My representatives in Congress.

Actually, it was only Ted Poe's idiotic comments that surprised me. C'mon Ted, I remember hearing you lecture us in baby prosecutor school several decades ago, attempting to motivate us not to have "cold feet" in prosecuting cases. You said you and some fellow prosecutors used to put a new pair of heavy, thick socks on the desk of other prosecutors who were afraid to try cases.

And as a Texas District Judge, with a reputation for a stern judicial demeanor and heavy duty sentences for violent criminals, you were a hero to the prosecutors and police working in the trenches with the worst of the worst violent criminal offenders. You were a hero to the average Joe in Houston because you worked hard to keep us safe from the criminals who passed through your court.

You Ted, of all people, should know the random and senseless evil that lurks in the hearts of some men and women, and how our bureaucracies and law enforcement agencies mired in policies and civil rights and laws and lawsuits have to rise above their own level of inefficiency to be of any use at all. You know that despite our best intentions, our security and law enforcement folks will miss signs along the way, like with 9/11. It's human nature to make mistakes. That's why we need to not have cold feet when deciding we're not going to let terrorists kill us in our own country.
Ted, you're the guy most of us want to replace Senator Kay with in the near future. You really need to think about your stance on this issue, because a lot of American voters, and particularly your constituents, have strong feelings about protecting our country. We need you now more than ever.

So when Senator Kay, who out of loyalty to the State of Texas should have really retired back in 2005 when she was mulling her attempt at running for Texas Governor in 2006, and absolutely should have retired when she ran for Governor (and failed miserably) this year, comes out and says that she thinks body scanners and pat down searches are bad, I'm not surprised.

She's been as useless as teats on a boar hog for at least the last half of this decade in Washington, and it's really time she face the fact that she will not be re-elected and that the biggest favor she could do this state and nation is to resign and let us get someone up in her spot who has not lost their common sense and who does not have cold feet.

You see, Senator Kay, we're in a war. We've been in a war now for a long time. I don't know how you missed this crucial fact of life in your analysis of increasing airport security, but somehow I guess you've forgotten about 9/11. Or Osama Bin Laden. Or the crazed army psychiatrist bastard up in Killeen, in our very own state.

Your state.

Our enemy are cowards. They attack as cowards. They are largely faceless, until they attack and we discover their identity. They are largely stateless, although some nations help them out of Muslim loyalty or out of fear of being a target if they don't. Saudi Arabia seems to making a change in their attitude and deciding that maybe it's a good idea if they're on our team, but like Pakistan, you can never be really sure of their loyalty.

So I would think that Representative Poe and Senator Kay would have had the same sense God gave even fools to come in out of the rain and would have been in support of these measures.


Well, I guess there has been a news blackout for the scanner protest crowd the past few weeks. Terrorists have been sending bombs and what are apparently test bombs into Europe and America the past few weeks.

At least that's as long as we the public have known about it, and I suspect it's been going on longer than that and we are just now finding out about it. That's generally the way intelligence and that kind of national security law enforcement and the military are, according to friends of mine who have worked with various federal agencies in intelligence matters. We the public find out much later than they do, and generally we only know the tip of the iceberg as far as how bad it really could have been.

And again, there are reasons for the secrecy of our government. Bad guys can figure out where leaks are coming from based on what is known by our spies, so it's in our best interest not only to keep our operatives safe who are giving information but our methods as well.

I'm sure they explained this to you in baby congressman school, but maybe it's time you go back and take a refresher course. Or do something astonishing and contact some folks like me in your district, because everyone I've talked to about this thinks you both are morons for opposing increased airport security. And most of my friends and people I've discussed this with are Republicans like me.

So for Senator Kay and Representative Ted, when you go back to Congress after the Thanksgiving break, take some heavy, thick athletic socks with you to keep those cold feet warm. Maybe when you get the fightin' side of you back, Ted, you'll realize that law abiding Americans don't have a problem with increased security at airports.

Better yet, go to the mall when you're home. Go to some restaurants, or OMG, a bar or two. How about go to different parts of town and stop at houses on Turkey day with a small entourage (remember, bring pies to give the houses you visit) and talk to constituents YOU DON"T EVEN KNOW and ask them how they feel about this.

You'll see I'm right. Surveys say 80% of Americans are in favor of these measures and willing to deal with them.

Don't have cold feet.

Yeah, so some TSA employee might see my junk on a tv screen, or my not so perfect body. Big woo. If it helps make sure some other passenger does not get to attack the plane I'm flying on, then that's great.

To me it's like a border crossing. Or going into a jail or other secured facility. You have the right not to go to the place where you will be searched if you don't like increased airport security. You can hire a charter plane, or ride Greyhound or Amtrack.

Meanwhile, myself and the other members of the flights I'll be on will be dealing with the realities of this war we are in. We'll be good Americans like our parents or grandparents or great-grandparents were during rationing in WWII and take one for the Gipper and just frickin' deal with it. For our own safety and our own good.

And yes, we'll keep praying for the safety of our brave soldiers who battle this very different war, both at home and abroad.

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